Chapter Thirty

SHAYE _________________________

The next morning is Monday. I'm off from work today as well, for good reason... But, today is one day I would actually prefer to be going in to work, rather than going where I have to go.

It was so easy to forget now, most of the time, like just a bad dream that was over and done with, never to be thought of again. I didn't let myself dwell on it. Except for once every six months, when I had no choice but to face it again... but every time it got easier.

Max isn't in bed when I wake up. I hear the shower running in the bathroom, and rub my eyes, stretching my body out. I hear him start to sing, and have to laugh. Jesus, the man sounds just as good singing in the shower as he does in front of a huge crowd.

His voice carries into the bedroom, and I close my eyes. I could listen to it all day, and never get tired of hearing it's crystal clear, beautiful tones.

It's also great that we have such similar tastes in music. The Adelita's Way song he's singing right now is another one of my favorites, and I feel like he's singing it just for me.

As I think about him singing, not more than a handful of steps away, gloriously and beautifully naked, under the spray of hot water, rivulets rolling down his back and chest to his... becoming pretty hot myself, on the inside, I am just contemplating joining him in the shower, when I hear it shut off. Damn. Guess I got too sidetracked listening to his sexy ass voice to get up fast enough.

He comes out in nothing but a towel tucked extremely low around his waist, and I eye him hungrily. Double Damn. He looks up and catches me watching him, of course, and gives me that cocky smirk.

I take his cocky grin, and raise him a sweet, teasing smile, ready to play.

His eyebrows shoot up, and he starts feigning looking around for something dramatically.

He gestures towards the bathroom, and I laugh out loud. He, however, is not laughing, and I can see the obvious, huge tent under his towel, which is about ready to burst open.

Smiling, I get up, ready to put that cocky smile back on his face and give him a second shower, when we both hear Luke getting up in his room on the monitor.

This time, neither of us is laughing, instead giving each other rueful grins.

This time he does laugh, seeing the expression on my face. He quickly pulls on his boxers and jeans, but no shirt.

Without warning, he pulls me against his bare, muscular chest, and kisses me hard and fast, making me gasp at the rush of desire that flares through me... that I can do absolutely nothing about right now...

Reluctantly, he pulls back and sighs. Then he grins and gives me a goofy side wink.

I give him another long, heated kiss.

Wanting to melt all over, again, I give him one last kiss as a thank you, and start swaying my ass and dropping my panties on the way into the bathroom. Max groans.

I giggle and blow him a kiss as I disappear into the bathroom. I have never been so happy in my life. It almost seems too good to be true sometimes, but yet here we were.

After we have breakfast, Luke goes up to his room to pack his "big boy" bag. I'd gotten him a little backpack of his own, to put toys or whatever he wanted in, when he was going to be somewhere else besides home, like today. He was going to spend the late morning and part of the afternoon with grandma. And he thought he was SO grown up, getting to pack it himself, wear it when he went out. It was adorable.

Max sits at the counter this time as I clean up the kitchen. I had insisted awhile back that we had to at least take turns, because of all the cooking he was already doing. Not that I couldn't cook, but he loved to do it, and everything he made was great.

He watches me extremely closely this morning, as I keep myself busy. He had kept the mood light and easy so far, and I was very grateful. But the closer the time to leaving gets, the more serious he's become.

I look at him and smile.

Grandpa had asked Max to go to Langley with him today, to help him pick up a bunch of stuff he and Jessa had ordered for The Red Bow... for when the addition was finished.

He'd asked Max last week, and he'd happily agreed to help, to keep him company and do the heavy lifting. But he hadn't realized they would be going the same day as my appointment at the hospital.

He still doesn't look convinced, so I walk over to where he's sitting, giving him a soft, open kiss.

I can tell he's uneasy about it all, and of course I am a little too, but by now I had the routine down, and knew exactly what to do, and what to expect. For Max, though, it was all new, just like a lot of things for him these last few months. He'd pretty much seen every part of me by now, except this last one. One that I never mentioned unless, or until, absolutely necessary.

He sighs, and stands up, pulling me into his arms and wrapping them tight around me for a hug.

*****

Two hours later, I'm in the hospital, putting my bra and shirt back on, after just having my breasts flattened into pancakes, from my now every 6 month check-up mammogram. I couldn't wait until next year, when I'd be able to start only having to get it done once a year.

For me, the mammogram was pretty much a waste of time. I knew it, they knew it, but since it was standard procedure for everyone else, they still had to do one of those first.

I already knew what they were going to say...

Because of my younger age, my breasts were more dense than older women, and also more fibrous, so the mammogram really wasn't going to tell them as much as it would if I were older (and saggier I guess), and then they'd send me for an ultrasound as well.

Which is exactly what they say, and do.

So, I go and sit in yet another waiting room in another part of the hospital, waiting, and waiting...

Did I mention how much I f'ucking hate hospitals... because I really do.

I pull out my phone and check it, seeing Max has texted me a few times.

I can't help smiling at how sweet he is, and how lucky I am to have him. I text him back while I wait.

He doesn't reply immediately, so I figure they must be busy loading up the box truck grandpa had rented by now. And a few minutes later they call me back, so I tuck my phone away again and get up to follow.

A younger woman meets me when I reach the room.

I go through the normal routine, and then she comes back in, dims the lights, she puts that slimy, slick, cold gel all over one breast, does the scans, then does the same to the other breast. They're still tender from the mammogram, but not too bad. I can definitely feel it, though, when she presses down hard here and there to get a closer look.

I lay there with my hands behind my head, letting her do her thing. The stuff I can see on the screen makes no sense to me. The whole time I'm thinking about having it over with, and getting home. Maybe I would beat Max there, and surprise him by picking up where we left off this morning when Luke had woken up.

She walks out, and I sigh loudly. Great, they probably gave me a student who was learning and had to have her work checked. So much for beating Max home, looks like.

A few minutes my ass, too, but you know how hospitals are. Twenty minutes later, she comes back in with another, older looking woman, who smiles politely and professionally.

Oh, yay, cause you know, the more the merrier...

She sits down and adds some more gel, then does pretty much the exact same thing, except after the initial run through, she comes back to my right breast, and concentrates on it. They usually did, though, since that's the one I'd had the cancer in.

She asks as she presses harder and focuses on the screen.

She takes her time, clicking on the keyboard, marking stuff I can't make heads or tails of. Finally, she finishes, and hands me a towel and some wipes to clean myself up, then washes her hands.

I wipe the gel off and get dressed, then wait another twenty minutes for her to come back. When she does, instead of leading me out, I'm surprised when she sits back down in the chair.

My stomach is starting to knot up, while she keeps talking.

Those exact same words I'd heard that first unsuspecting day four years ago reverberate over and over in my brain... "...just to be on the safe side... just to be on the safe side..."

**********

MAX __________________________

Mr. Wilson and I were at The Red Bow having a well-earned beer together, after a trip to Langley. It had taken forever to load up the box truck with all of the sh*t they'd bought for the bar when the addition was finished, a lot longer than I'd anticipated. But at least Drew and a few of the other guys had been here to help unload it all when we'd gotten back.

Jessa practically comes bouncing across the bar to join us, baby belly and all, grinning ear to ear in her excitement.

She is going a mile a minute, and I have to laugh, especially when Mr. Wilson starts getting excited too.

Yup, he's retired, all right... can't you tell? They both look at me, and I put my hands up in the air.

They take off chattering like a couple of kids, and I pull out my phone while I finish my beer.

I'd been loading up the truck when Shaye had texted me back, saying she was waiting for her last test. That had been right before noon, and now it was almost 5 pm. I was gone way longer than I'd planned on. She hadn't texted me anything else, so I assumed she had to be back by now.

I wished I hadn't made plans to help Mr. Wilson, so I could have gone with her. The whole thing made me extremely anxious and uneasy, honestly. Cancer was a scary f'ucking thing, and it was easy to forget she'd ever been sick before because she was such a young, vibrant, active, beautiful woman. I hadn't thought much about it, until she'd had to go in for her tests.

But she had acted like it was no big deal, just part of the routine, so I'd tried to follow her lead, the same way I did when it came to everything else she was more familiar with than me. I still wouldn't be able to relax until I saw her, though, and she said everything was okay.

When I get to her house, her car isn't there. And it only increases the anxiety I had been trying to hold at bay for the last several hours.

I walk over to the Wilson's and knock on the door, and a minute later Mrs. Wilson opens it, a slightly disappointed look on her face when she sees me.

I follow her inside.

Luke comes running in from the kitchen, and I scoop him up into a hug. It's impossible not to love this kid, just like it's impossible not to love his mom.

As he scurries off back into the kitchen, Mrs. Wilson gives me a look.

I pull out my phone and call her, but it goes straight to voice-mail, so I hang up and text. Luke comes back in with the cookie, and after I eat it and tell him how good it was, he runs back in to watch cartoons.

There's no reply to my text either. Just as I'm about to try calling again, my phone rings, and I breathe a sigh of relief.

I answer immediately.

>> Phone Conversation <<

Her voice sounds funny, and the relief I'd felt starts to fade a bit.

She can't lie for sh*t, and I can tell she's definitely not fine.

Her voice fades off, and I look at Mrs. Wilson. She knows something is wrong, too.

I hear her sigh, but she doesn't answer.

Realizing I'm not going to get anything out of her on the phone, I hang up, and look at Mrs. Wilson.

I gesture towards Luke, and she nods.

I walk into the living room real quick, where Luke is stretched out on the couch, watching TV. I lean down and ruffle his hair.

Not sure if I should say anything else, I leave it at that, and head out.

My mind turns over the possibilities of what could be going on with Shaye. But, only one sticks out as the most obvious, no matter how badly I try to deny it. She must have gotten some bad news at the hospital... and that thought absolutely terrifies the f'uck out of me.

Thankfully, it's a very short drive. Still, by the time I get to my house, the panic has set in, and has my stomach in knots.

But if I'm right, Shaye is going to need me to be strong, steady, and reassuring, so that's exactly what I'll be for her.

Her car is in the driveway, but when I go inside I don't find her there. I check the living room, kitchen, bedroom, bathroom, and nothing. Then it hits me.

I know exactly where she is...

And that's where I find her.

Sitting on a blanket on the first step, arms wrapped around her legs, staring out at the calmly rippling water of the lake.

I walk down the stone path slowly and quietly, just watching her. She either doesn't hear me coming, or is just too lost in thought to notice, because she doesn't move or acknowledge me, even when I stop right behind her.

I sit down on the step beside her, remembering the last time we'd been just like this, that first afternoon we'd both opened up to each other about our pasts, and all of the things we'd needed to talk about to start a real relationship. It seemed like so much longer than a few months, but somehow just like it had happened yesterday. I think I probably loved her then, but I loved her so much more now.

Her voice sounds distant, and she doesn't pull her eyes away from the water to look at me.

A ghost of a smile passes across her face.

Her eyes glitter with the waters reflection in them.

I reach my hand out and tuck a stray fiery red lock of hair behind her ear.

I move my hand from her hair to her cheek, turning her face so she has no choice but to look at me. Her face is pale.

She does, slowly, and I recognize the lost look in her beautiful eyes. I had had the same look for months, before she found me and brought me out of it.

My words reach her, and she takes a deep, shuddering breath. I watch as her eyes fill, and begin to spill over with silent tears, breaking my heart.

And then she bursts into huge, gut wrenching sobs...

* * End Chapter Thirty * *