Synopsis: Anna is seventeen and needs prescription drugs and denial to get through high school and forget about her reality, but her numbness to her surroundings are not enough to shield her from whispers of worry that keep her friends company. They think she's oblivious to them and their secrets but she feels the unease and she needs to know.

[Happy Pills]

I didn't need to think hard of an answer.

I said, perhaps too quickly, and with a just hint of sarcasm.

They didn't seem to notice.

I looked out over the school ground, still crisp and dewy. It was too early to be here.

Mary told me as if I didn't know that.

I nodded

Pretending that I didn't

Iris glances at me across the table, testing my reaction. When I kept my pose, she continued.

I wasn't sure if the look she gave me was meant to show sympathy or spite.

I told her

came her answer

I felt my lips involuntary pout

I told her, slipping two purple tablets into my palm.

Take me to Wonderland.

I heard her frustration but she didn't say anything more.

Mary asked, looking up at me from her workbook.

I shrugged.

Iris couldn't help challenging me.

I told her, matter-of-factly.

The look she gave me told I'm an addict.

I could feel them working already.

Hollow laughter escaped me.

Frustration

She seemed to regret her words, but just slightly

I knew as I said it, that it wasn't true and that I didn't mean it, but I was no longer in control and found myself caring a lot less than I should.

she echoed

She gathered her books and stormed off toward the school. I waved her off while she did this.

I shrugged

I pointed toward her

she was there

But she wasn't alone.

She was with another person.

A boy person.

I observed

Mary gestured to the bottle

she seemed to approve.

She told me, quite bluntly

I felt the cold creep over my skin.

She told me, knowingly.

I whispered so she couldn't hear me. And also because I was starting to lose myself and my speech to the medication.

She asked, in an attempt to lighten the mood

I forgot

Mary laughed like it was funny. I looked back at Iris. She wasn't just dating him. She was already in love. I could see it. I saw it in the way her face lit up when he spoke and in the way her feet didn't seem to touch the ground. I knew how she felt. I was in love once, too, not that long ago.

I glared at her. She didn't notice.

I was already up and half away to the main building. I felt my surroundings shift in and out of focus.

I passed Iris and Dennis in the doorway without acknowledgement and pushed through the crowds of people miling into the school.

There was a buzz going around which I knew was slightly different from mine. I blamed that on the new term and didn't think too much about it further.

I wondered how long the pills would last me and what I'd tell the good doctor when they ran out. I'd probably wasted all the good excuses. I could always just go for an old classic.

Maybe I could start cutting, though I didn't think I could stand the sight of blood this early in the morning. Or ever again.

I let the people lead me down the hallways until I ran into Derrick, who took one look at me and tried to run in the opposite direction.

The same crowd that brought me to him, was stopping him from going anywhere but forward so he stood there, looking defeated for a moment.

I cocked my head to the side. Did I really have the will to ask about it?

He grinned, sheepishly.

It was too much to use vowels, so I looked at him, expectantly.

He said like he was aiding an old woman.

I nodded

He look confused

I said

He chuckled

I shrugged

I was starting to slur a little. It felt suprisingly good.

I tried to slide away gracefully but Mary was right behind me. Sneaky bij caught up.

I told her, putting my whole weight on her structure. She looked at me like I had issues, which- let's face it- I did.

Derrick beamed like it meant something. It got very hard to focus after that.

she tried to pull me upright

she pulled at my face, though I couldn't feel that.

She ushered me to a nearby chair

I tried to tell her but I wasn't sure how much I was able to get out

Iris' voice pushed through the fog

Mary was still pulling at me.

I told her, trying to get a grip just to prove her wrong. It was difficult.

She turned to look at me

I would know

I grumble, but it's too much effort to prove it

Derrick piped up. Had he been hovering there this whole time?

Iris glared at me

He grinned

Iris turned to look at him

Mary stepped back and I took the chance to breathe. I did not like her aftershave.

That was a question

Mary pulled her face into a pretzel. I felt like I should know the answer

I pointed at Iris

Mary and Derrick both looked at Iris. I was clearly missing something. Why was everything so tense? Why couldn't I just lie down?

Iris' voice was so far away. Was she moving or was I?

Mary's voice was equally far.

I could see Derrick bite back a smile.

I haven't heard yet. Is that me? Why are people floating? Am I in a fishbowl?

Iris huffed

Mary offered, ever so helpfully from beyond the fishbowl. Their words were becoming clearer. Maybe we were floating closer to each other.

Derrick asked the smarter one.

She pointed at me as if I were the attraction

I told her, maybe a bit louder than I should have. It was hard to know how voice travelled in this thing.

Iris looked at me with pity. I embraced it. I deserved her sadness and her misunderstanding. She didn't know. She'd never understand.

She said this to herself, but her whispers echoed in the tank and I heard her like she didn't hear me.

Every syllable resonated and I had a moment of clarity, a moment in which I pieced together the broken conversation of half-meant hints and phrases.

There was only one reason my friends would be acting so weird and suddenly I knew that none of my pills were going to help me through this.

Not even the prescription kind.